Fascinating Reflection on Transexuality

My friend Anne Eaton directed me to this fascinating but in some ways deeply puzzling essay by Andrea Long Chu, who is (I take it) a graduate student in Comparative Literature at NYU. It's a lengthy investigation of the fraught, and too little discussed, relationship between identity and desire in the experience of trans women, specifically. Probably, Chu right restricts her discussion to that case: the one she knows from the inside. But I strongly suspect that her reflections have something much broader to teach us about gender, and our experience of it. Certainly, as someone who is genderqueer, it rang a lot of bells with me.

The Inadequacy of Sexual Consent?

Earlier today, I fell down one of those Internet rabbit holes reading reflections about the Aziz Ansari story. (I confess to having previously had no idea who he was.) In truth, I jumped in myself, once I realized what was really at stake here, since it's something in which I've been increasingly interested myself over the last couple years. The best piece I read was by Amanda Alcantara, on The Lily. Here's the crucial bit:

[This] story...pushes us beyond the parameters of what we've been saying about consent: That "no means no", or to seek an active "yes". This form of teaching consent focuses on feelings of power during intimacy. It's a response to a request—"will they let me have sex with them?"—rather than seeing sex as something mutual. The question should be, "Do they want to have sex with me?" That is essentially where this conversation lies. Is consenting about "wanting" or about "letting"?

That's almost right, I think. But the real lesson, which seems to run just under the surface of a lot of these discussions, concerns the limitations of the notion of consent. In fact, this is not a new idea. See this piece by Rebecca Traister in The Cut, for example. But perhaps it's an idea who time has come.

Really Great Piece About Male Sexual Entitlement

At Role Reboot.

Abortion: An Allegory

Angelina Rosario went into Our Lady of Mercy Hospital in Santa Cristina, California, last week for a minor procedure to help with her dysmennorhea and walked out pregnant. The hospital is still trying to figure out exactly what happened. There was also another woman, Rosaria Angelino, there that day. Ms Angelino had been undergoing fertility treatment and was scheduled to have several embryos implanted in her uterus. Somehow, their charts got mixed up as they were taken into adjoining operating rooms. (There was a small earthquake about that time, and there is some evidence that the charts were knocked off the women’s gurneys.) The error was not discovered until the two women woke up in recovery. Ms Angelino was surprised to find that she had gotten an ablasion, but not nearly as shocked as Ms Rosario was to discover that she was pregnant.

How To Be a Man in the Age of Trump

A man behaving as Trump does would be a pariah in any culture that did not actively and persistently enable men like him.

It sounds like an interesting article, but it turns out to be much more interesting than you might expect. It's written by a transman, who has a special perspective on what it is to be a man.

Great (and Funny) Video on Consent

Amazing Reflection on Sexuality and Sexual Violence

On Feministing:

When I started having sex, disposability was the first thing on the menu. Fuck you, ignore you, make fun of you on Facebook. Even now, it is the public penance exacted from women who dare.
A friend of mine said as much at the end of our first semester of college. ...“Boys aren’t going to want to date you if you keep having sex with them,” my friend said. The words smashed against my face like ice or glass.

And that's just the part about sexuality.

Every Woman Has Been a Little Bit Raped

Terrific piece on Role Reboot about why we (as a culture) need to broaden our understanding of rape and sexual assault. See also this piece on Bustle and this follow-up piece.

One of the most striking things to me was the idea, apparently expressed as often by women as by men, that stopping in the middle of sex "robs a man of his orgasm". This is particularly odd given that what's being discussed here, for the most part, is stopping intercourse. There's no indication, for example, in the Bustle piece that the author wouldn't have been happy to continue having some other sort of sex. Of course, it's her right not to stop altogether, if that's what she wants to do, but, as I said, that's actually not what seems to be at issue in most of these stories. There are other ways a guy can have an orgasm, you know?

Amicus Brief By 113 Female Attorneys About the Role of Abortion in Their Lives

This happened a while ago, but I just saw it today and read through the brief. It paints a fascinating picture of the importance of safe and legal abortion in the lives of American women.

There are interesting stories about this in Slate, in the Atlantic, and in Forward. There's an op-ed by one of the women in the Washington Post, too.

But maybe the most powerful thing I've read on this topic is this series of stories, collected by the Atlantic. Some of them are just heartbreaking. All of them speak to just how intensely personal the decision to abort is. Perhaps what is most inspiring is what the stories say about ordinary people's ability to navigate the ethical complexities that such decisions involve.

Men's Basketball vs Women's Basketball

OK, so it's not a surprise that colleges (OK, actually, their conferences, get more money for victories by men's teams than for victories by women's teams. But how much more do you think that is? Would you believe that a victory by a men's team is worth $1.56 million and that a victory by a women's team is worth...wait for it...zero dollars? As in, absolutely nothing?

Well, according to the New York Times, that's how it is.

Christmas Rape Songs

Ever actually listen to "Baby, It's Cold Outside"? Check it out on Funny or Die.

Amazing Photo Essay on Consent

"Face Value is a series of photographs, taken by staff photographer Aubrey Schuring, that showcase the emotions of various human beings as they discuss moments of consent, assault, and their feelings of worth with Project Consent."

See it on Project Consent.

Sam Killermann's TEDx Talk on Gender

I'm a big fan of Sam Killermann, who is the human behind the website It's Pronounced Metrosexual, the Genderbread Person, a wonderful and very commonsensical book on gender (which can be downloaded for free or for a donation, if you wish), the world's best sign for gender neutral bathrooms, and much else that is wonderful. He's also a very funny guy, who first made his name doing a sort of stand-up routine about gender. So I was thrilled the other day to discover his TEDx talk, "Understanding the Complexities of Gender", on You Tube. Even if you already know all the basics, it's worth watching, if only for how compassionate Sam is towards those he is trying to help understand.

There's a wonderful bit at the end (it starts at about 15:35) where Sam articulates his hopes for the future:

Now, in my dreams, I don't foresee a society that is gender-blind, but I do foresee one that is gender-creative. Where people can figure out who they are and be themselves, exploring what that means, and in that they'll be supported. Where questioning one's gender won't be shunned, but an expectation. And where realizing that you don't fit into this gender mold won't lead to isolation and depression, but will be a source of celebration. And above all a society where people, regardless of their gender formation, are safe. 

It's sad one even has to mention that last bit, but Amen to all of it.

Open Letters to Camille and Evin Cosby

Wherein the authors let Bill Cosby's wife and daughter know (i) that they believe then when they say that Bill Cosby has been a wonderful husband and father but also (ii) that they believe the women who have accused him of raping them.

Lynn Beismer's letter, on Role Reboot, is a wonderful, sensitive statement, full of sadness for these two women. Rebecca Vipond Brink's, on XO Jane, is a bit more angry, but expresses similar ideas in the end.

Both attitudes are, of course, reasonable. Far be it from me to tell victims how they ought to feel or react when such things happen to others.

Rape By Fraud?

There's a myth out there that no law, program, or action designed to counter rape can be too extreme for feminists. Well, here's proof to the contrary, an article by Amanda Marcotte decrying a bill introduced in New Jersey by Assemblyman Troy Singleton that would criminalize "sexual assault by fraud". Which means, as Marcotte puts it, "[lying] your way into someone's pants".

As Marcotte notes, this a terrible idea:

...[T]his law is so vague and wide-reaching that it's easy to see how pretty much everyone could be considered a rapist, because, as any quick perusing of OkCupid can tell you, representing yourself as someone you are not is a universal behavior. All of us are claiming we woke up like this, and we are all lying.

But at least the dude's heart is in the right place.

Good Reads: Bisexuality

There are many things that puzzle me. But in the realm of sexual politics, the discrimination suffered by bisexuals, even in the queer community, is near the top. Here are a handful of articles on the topic.

• Why Some Bisexual People Don’t Feel Welcome in the Queer Community (Everyday Feminism)
  
• 13 Lies We Have to Stop Telling About Bisexual People (Everyday Feminism)
• 8 Questions To Stop Asking Bisexual People (Role Reboot)
• Monosexism: Battling Myths About Bisexuality (Good Men Project)
• Being Bisexual Taught Me That Sexual Intolerance Is A Bigger Problem Than We Realize (Elite Daily, via Good Men Project)
• Becoming Visible: On Coming Out As Bisexual (Autostraddle, and lots of good articles if you search for "bisexual" on the site)

I meant to do this for bisexual awareness week, but got distracted.

If you've got anything similar, post it in the comments.

Jaclyn Friedman on How She Stopped Worrying and Learned To Love Pleasure

Jaclyn Friedman has posted her piece from Yes Means Yes, "In Defense of Going Wild", on her blog. It's a sort of "confession" about Friedman's love of sex. Of course, in describing it that way, I'm almost buying into the idea it is fighting: the loving sex is somehow shameful if you happen to be a woman. Which, obviously, is an idea to which I do not subscribe.

Read it.

What's Wrong With the Golden Rule?

This is an oldish post by Sam Killerman, over at It's Pronounced Metrosexual. One could quibble about whether the problem he's discussing really is one with the Golden Rule as such, but the underlying point is spot-on.

Collection of Articles on Bill Cosby and The Like

Deeply disturbing.

• "The Cosby Show" (Ta-Neishi Coates, The Atlantic)
• "Publicly Shaming Bill Cosby Is the Best We Can Do" (Hanna Rosin, Slate XX)
• "Therese Serignese, Florida Nurse, Says Bill Cosby Drugged And Raped Her In 1976" (Emma Gray, HuffPo)
• "Model Janice Dickinson Says Bill Cosby Sexually Assaulted Her" (Elliot Hannon, Slate)
• "Why Does Alleged Sexual Predator R. Kelly Still Have a Career?" (Josh Levin, Slate XX)

But what's most disturbing, or so my wife tells me, is that there were extensive reports on these accusations, by reputable news organizations, years ago. Or, as Barbara Bowman asked: "Bill Cosby raped me. Why did it take 30 years for people to believe my story?" Is the answer the one she gives? "Only after a man, Hannibal Buress, called Bill Cosby a rapist in a comedy act last month did the public outcry begin in earnest." God help us if so.

Do You Know About Jian?

Somehow, I totally failed to link to this amazing article by the extent to which people surrounding Jian Ghomeshi knew that he was "weird" about women. I meant to include it with these links (and now have).

I have since found another article in a similar vein, by Carl Wilson on Slate XX. And another, by Emma Healey, on The Hairpin.